As winter approaches it is always difficult to keep up the level of fitness we worked so hard for in the summer. Aunty's own body has never taken much notice of Vogue or the diet ads but she likes have the pace to be able to surprise a few people in the rush for the last biscuit, and the stamina to sit through the annual general meeting of the carnivorous plant breeders society. With this in mind, Aunty has kindly passed on a few exercise tips:
- Joggling. This is a less aggressive form of jogging 'just stand or sit and gently joggle your body to improve muscle tone'. Note - this exercise is best not performed in front of people who do not know you. When you feel ready to move on a stage, try a little hopping up and down on the spot (women can remember how good for the body this is every time they are in the queue for the loo).
- Party-clean-up weights. A recycling crate full of empties can be used in an effective lift- and-hold exercise. Remember proper lifting techniques and do not fall over the cat on your way down to the gate.
- Agree to look after a five-year old for a day (Aunty actually recommends starting with just an hour, but surely fit trampers can manage more than that). Extreme all-over body workout and also a great test for self-control.
- Facial muscles. Exercise in your sleep! Go to bed thinking about your current major irritation & the incompetence and moral delinquency of everyone else compared to yourself usually works a treat. All night your face will practice grimaces and contortions without your even being aware of it (warning, in some individuals this exercise has been known to lead to tooth-grinding or even the chewing off of a teddy-bear's entire ear).
- Personal disagreement chin-ups. Fix your eyes on a point somewhere past your opponen's left shoulder, set your jaw firmly, and lift your chin sharply every time he or she makes a what they fondly consider to be a telling point.
- Get a pen pal (or just try to get your money back after the failure of some brand-new household appliance) and start a vigorous correspondence. This is a great general exercise covering the arm and wrist, the tongue for stamp licking, some mental agility, and finally the race to the letter-box to get your latest sally into the post in time.
- Agree to go on an 'easy' trip with the club (pack torch, bivvy bag, 3 days supply of food, bottle for floating messages home in, and spare boots in case you wear one pair out).
Aunty hopes that these little routines will help to keep club members in the physical condition that has become such a legend in the Canterbury hills.